well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
