i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
