i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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