Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
