The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
