Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
