IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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