you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
