you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
