dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
