a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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