and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
