If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
