I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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