I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
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