Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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