Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
