do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
