this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
