Texts From Last Night

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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was like, "um, that's my butthole."

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  (215): I was like, "um, that's my butthole." http://tfl.nu/5utz
  Replies (32) Good night (1754) Bad night (6313)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.

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  (360): We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced. http://tfl.nu/trxy
  Replies (4) Good night (3370) Bad night (1154)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.

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  (360): Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building. http://tfl.nu/uuvc
  Replies (4) Good night (763) Bad night (2600)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.

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  (724): It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me. http://tfl.nu/9spl
  Replies (7) Good night (3751) Bad night (716)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.

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  (613): I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable. http://tfl.nu/pwwk
  Replies (15) Good night (2261) Bad night (1055)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?

  (773): View more from Illinois

  To be honest, kinda.

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  (708): For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly? (773): To be honest, kinda. http://tfl.nu/5ciz
  Replies (13) Good night (1457) Bad night (3839)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry

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  (210): well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry http://tfl.nu/jusc
  Replies (6) Good night (673) Bad night (1271)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious

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  (360): Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious http://tfl.nu/bk41
  Replies (2) Good night (1073) Bad night (512)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.

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  (269): We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him. http://tfl.nu/ojms
  Replies (0) Good night (818) Bad night (396)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.

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  (816): They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life. http://tfl.nu/cb9a
  Replies (2) Good night (405) Bad night (496)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.

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  (919): Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds. http://tfl.nu/9jhi
  Replies (8) Good night (324) Bad night (839)
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  (619): View more from California

  Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?

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  (619): Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit? http://tfl.nu/j01e
  Replies (5) Good night (903) Bad night (236)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket

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  (660): I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket http://tfl.nu/m2g4
  Replies (2) Good night (316) Bad night (143)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"

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  (316): You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!" http://tfl.nu/ag1e
  Replies (1) Good night (356) Bad night (168)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.

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  (469): The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us. http://tfl.nu/te9o
  Replies (3) Good night (626) Bad night (325)

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