Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
