great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me