i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that