i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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