U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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