I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
