And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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