We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
