you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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