just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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