He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
