i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
