Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
