Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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