He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
