sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
