it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
