i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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