Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
