Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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