Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
