she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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