Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
