Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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