1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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