dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
