i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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