my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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