Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
