i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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