So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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