We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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