i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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