The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
