Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
