I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
