So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
