remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
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I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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