dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize