Are we in a gay sports bar?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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