umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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