Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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