Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
