I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize