I think scott just propositioned me for sex
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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