I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
