New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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