Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Randomize
