we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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