All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
