If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My day in three words: secret purse cake
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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