Acid is not a monday night drug
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
