im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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