in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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