I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
