i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
