TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
