piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I know her cup size but not her name....
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
