Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
