I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
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