I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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