I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
