I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
