oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
