forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
