which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
