Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
