Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
